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First published as a hardback by deCoubertin Books Ltd in 2019.

First Edition

deCoubertin Books, 46b Jamaica Street, Baltic Triangle, Liverpool, L1 0AF.
www.decoubertin.co.uk

ISBN: 9781909245938

Translated from the German by Ceylan Hussein.

English text translation ©deCoubertin Books, Ltd, 2019.

The right of Per Mertesacker & Raphael Honigstein to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a re¬trieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be left liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Cover design by Leslie Priestley.

Typeset by Thomas Regan | Milkyone Creative

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CONTENTS

THE END

1 PATTENSEN

2 BUNDESLIGA

3 PREMIER LEAGUE

4 WELTMEISTER

5 THE BEGINNING

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

STATISTICS & CAREER NOTES

List of Illustrations

Being a professional footballer wasn’t the be all and end all for me growing up, but I had dreams like any other child. Here I am at a young age kitted out in a sweater based on Germany’s iconic 1990 World Cup kit. [Author’s personal collection]

The TSV Pattensen youth team, 1992. I joined at the age of four and my dad was manager. While he would get irate on the sidelines, I was placid on the field. We developed into quite the side, later becoming regional champions. [Author’s personal collection]

My first Hannover 96 player pass. When I joined the club at a young age I had no great expectations of making the grade, but I turned out to be a late developer and ended up leapfrogging players that had once seemed so much better than me. [Author’s personal collection]

With my teammates from the Lower Saxony county side at the Under-20 National Cup in Duisburg, 2003. Getting the call up to represent your region is a big deal. [Author’s personal collection]

Bob Marley’s music was the soundtrack to our lives as kids and my bedroom walls were decorated with a giant Jamaica flag and a picture of his face. [Colorsport/Imago]

One of the players I found it particularly difficult against in my early days was Schalke 04’s Ebbe Sand. He was a master of movement and it was impossible to keep up with him. Here I am putting the ball into my own net with him lurking on my shoulder in March 2004. [Getty]

Borussia Dortmund’s Jan Koller was a far more ominous presence than Sand, but rather more straightforward to deal with. I won the battle of the giants during this game, stealing a march on the Czech to earn Hannover a 1-1 draw in injury time. [Getty]

Despite my obvious lack of experience, I was called up to the national team in October 2004 by Jürgen Klinsmann, making my debut as a substitute two weeks after my twentieth birthday in a 2-1 win over Iran in Tehran. [Getty]

Klinsmann’s vision allowed us youngsters to develop as internationals ahead of the 2006 World Cup on home soil. Following our victory in the quarter-final shootout over Argentina, I took a kick to the private region from an annoyed Leandro Cufré, sparking a brawl. [Offside]

We had an excellent tournament under Klinsmann, only to agonisingly miss out in extra time of our semi-final against Italy in Dortmund. [Getty]

Following a successful World Cup, I made the move to Werder Bremen, who were a force to be reckoned with at the Weser Stadium. In November 2006 I got the only goal of the game in a 1-0 win in the Champions League over Chelsea. [Offside]

Clemens Fritz was one of my closest friends at Bremen and my roommate of five years. After my move to London I kept in touch with him, and today we are business partners, running a property company together. [Offside]

Bremen is not a particularly huge city, and we enjoyed a particularly close relationship with the fans, especially on nights like these, when we defeated Real Madrid 3-2 in November 2007. [Getty]

On the final day of the 2007/08 season, we needed to win away to Bayer Leverkusen to qualify for the Champions League and did so courtesy of a Markus Rosenberg goal ten minutes before full-time. At full time me and Torsten Frings savoured the moment. [Getty]

By 2008 Cristiano Ronaldo was one of the world’s best, but he couldn’t get on the scoresheet during our 3-2 quarter-final win at Euro 2008. We would lose 1-0 in the final to Spain. [Offside]

I wasn’t able to take part in the second leg of our UEFA Cup semi-final in 2008 against Hamburg but my teammates, including Naldo, Frank Baumann, Frings, Claudio Pizarro, Sebastian Prödl and Pieter Niemeyer, made sure I was involved in celebrations. We went on to lose the final but won the German Cup. [Getty]

Our 4-1 win over England at the 2010 World Cup was controversial due to Frank Lampard’s ghost goal, but that didn’t matter too much to us. Unfortunately, we couldn’t make it to the final, undone by Spain again. [Offside]

At the end of August 2011 my move to Arsenal was finally confirmed. Just a couple of weeks before that, I got to face the legendary Michael Ballack for the last time in the Bundesliga, who by this point had rejoined Leverkusen. [Getty]

Welcome to the Premier League: I quickly had to get used to the physical and fast nature of the English game. My first game, which came just after Arsenal’s 8-2 loss to Manchester United, was a 1-0 win over Swansea. [Offside]

Living in London can occasionally present its challenges, but I have grown to love England’s capital. [Offside]

When I first arrived at Arsenal Wenger was the only man in the dressing room who could speak German, but I was soon joined by my good friend Lukas Podolski, a lively character in the dressing room. [Offside]

We were also joined by Mesut Özil from Real Madrid. Wenger gave Özil freedom to inspire the team with creative ideas, though I did occasionally have to remind him of his responsibilities to his teammates, and more importantly the fans… [Offside]

Still, me and Mesut got on well, and along with Poldi we cracked plenty of jokes in German out on the training field. [Offside]

Unfortunately during my time at Arsenal we lost some excellent talent, including our talisman Robin van Persie to Manchester United, who went on to win the league with the Red Devils. [Offside]

Football in Sun and Shadow: the 2014 FA Cup semi-final against Wigan at Wembley, which we won on penalties. [Offside]

In the final we shockingly found ourselves 2-0 down to Hull City, but recovered to record a dramatic 3-2 victory, giving me my first silverware with Arsenal. It all got a bit much for me. [Offside]

With Jürgen Klinsmann following our 1-0 group stage victory over the USA at the 2014 World Cup. Jürgen acted as a mentor to me and so many other young German players in the lead up to the 2014 World Cup, putting a lot of faith in us. [Offside]

Consoling my Arsenal teammate Laurent Koscielny following a quarter-final win over France in Rio. The game was played in searing heat and everyone was dead on their feet by full time. [Offside]

After years of near misses, 2014 was finally the tournament when our generation went all the way and emulated so many of our predecessors. You can see what it meant to me at the celebrations back home. [Offside]

Heading home during the 4-0 win over Aston Villa in the 2015 FA Cup final, by far the most comfortable of the three finals I was involved in with Arsenal. [Offside]

In the 2017 final, we were given little hope by the press. My job was to deal with Diego Costa, once described by German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung as a ‘toxic irritant in shorts’. I did my job, and therefore completed a hat-trick of FA Cup titles with Arsenal. [Offside]

Draped in the BFG flag as I walk around the Emirates as a player for the last in May 2018, following a 5-0 win over Burnley. [Offside]

THE END

WHEN IT STARTED, I WAS PLAYING FOR HANNOVER Under-15s. I was fifteen years old and shooting skywards, with terrible growing pains; my left knee was particularly bad. My parents took me to a few specialists, but all said the same thing: ‘There’s not much we can do.’ Nobody knew where the pain was coming from or what it meant. Nobody knew if or when it would pass. Every day, I was in pain. Every day, I took countless pills and I was unable to train or play for almost a year. Every now and again, I would give it a go, but I just couldn’t do it. I no longer even made it onto the pitch. The club said, ‘The boy can’t hack it. He’s not that talented anyway, and to top it all off, he’s now growing in a hurry. He’s too tall; his gears aren’t working properly.’ My coach at the time told me, ‘Per, this isn’t going to work out. You don’t have the right the physical attributes; you’re not quick enough.’ Even my father, who until recently had been my coach in the Under-15s, eventually arrived at the conclusion that there would be no point in my continuing to try. For him, the important thing had always been my capacity to improve in training, advancing step-by-step, but in my case there had been no progress for months on end. As a result, he had to be realistic with me. ‘This is the end of the line for you,’ he said one day. ‘You won’t make it anyway. Come on, let’s forget about the whole thing.’

Had I been a boy hellbent on becoming a professional footballer, this would have been a devastating blow, almost a death sentence. Your own father no longer believes in you, even doubts you. There are questions you might ask yourself, questions like, ‘Doesn’t he love me anymore because of this?’ For me, though, that wasn’t the case. My world did not come crushing down on me in that moment, because in our family, one thing had always been clear: football was not everything.

My older brother, Denis, used to have a speech impediment that required him to attend special needs schools. My parents had always been very open about it, which impressed me immensely. Denis eventually developed amazingly: today, he has a family and a good job. Back then, I realised that there were things more important than football. At most, football was Plan B. Plan A was doing my Abitur – the German equivalent of A Levels – and a sports degree in Hannover; the idea of going pro wasn’t a priority – not even close to being one. For me, the most important thing was to enjoy playing. It was my hobby and – despite my father practically forcing me into it at the age of four – my passion. At the time, he had been managing TSV Pattensen, our hometown club. One day, he turned to me and said, ‘Right, we’re doing this.’ Later, when he went on to be youth coach at Hannover 96, he took me along, in addition to two other Pattensen players, both of whom were better than me. I was only twelve; there was no way I would have done that on my own. I was a mere afterthought, and I realised quickly that others were more talented than me. I was not being hyped and was never made the centre of attention. To me, it was clear that at a certain point, everything was going to be over, which would be perfectly all right. Hence, when the pain arrived, I thought that that point had been reached. Dad and my coach were simply saying out loud what I had known for myself all along.

I wasn’t angry. Like my parents, I had accepted the fact of the matter: I would simply have to go down another path. There was no urge to prove anything to anyone, or to prove that they were wrong about me. My dream of becoming a professional footballer hadn’t been destroyed: I had never had it.

PATTENSEN

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF PATTENSEN? A SMALL town south of Hannover with eight thousand residents, twelve thousand if you count the surrounding villages. It’s a rural area, where everything is within walking distance: school, sports ground, public swimming pool, football club, tennis court. Friends everywhere. Storybook, almost.

‘Pattensen, Peine, Paris,’ was a popular slogan in school, which is to say Pattensen was hard to top. It was, too: everything you needed was right outside your front door, in a prosperous area. And Hannover was only a thirty-minute bus ride away. My parents were involved in several sports clubs: Mum led Nordic walking and gymnastics classes; Dad was a cross-country skier, footballer, and eventually manager. Both were — and still are — utterly crazy about sports. And make no mistake, we three boys — Denis, three years my senior, Timo, three years younger, and me — definitely sensed that. Every Sunday at ten or eleven o’clock in the morning, a mandatory three-mile run was scheduled for the whole family: past the sewage plant, into the woods, and out again. We would run in all weather; no exceptions, no excuses. It was part of our upbringing. To this day, my father gets up early and does his laps at a speed which many are unable to match. We were very much made aware of the benefits of treating your body well and going through life healthily thanks to sport and activity. There was even a sauna in our house.

I was four years old when I joined my first football club. Dad had created an Under-7s side at TSV Pattensen. He coached all of us: me and my brothers. Family legend has it that my introduction actually took place in Spain, which, probably, is where I got my outstanding technique. On holiday in Menorca, Dad had thrown a ball at my feet and noted, ‘Aha, the boy can play.’ I can barely have been three years old.

Once a week, I had football practice, later followed by tennis and table tennis. For a while, I used to go roller skating after primary school, too, as it was the cool thing to do at the time. Without my parents’ unwavering support, I would never have been able to do as much sport as I did. I will always be grateful for that, because it opened so many doors for me — doors which later on would have to be quite tall indeed.

Work had brought my father to Pattensen. He had accepted a position as lecturer at Hannover’s savings bank academy. He liked the town. It combined the countryside with a good transport connection. Like my mother, my father was raised in the Harz. The Harz is a mountain range in Germany, and part of its rugged terrain extends across Lower Saxony. He is from Wildemann, she from Sankt Andreasberg; villages which are only thirty minutes apart. My brother and I actually nearly never came to be: by his own admission, my father messed up when he was a young man and, although we never found out exactly how, it was enough for Mum not to want to see him anymore. She took him back though; my dad had been lucky — just like the rest of us.

Dad is an only child, but my mother has ten siblings. At the last count, I had thirty cousins, 25 of them boys. While Dad appreciated that the Harz was a nice place to live, he also foresaw many people moving to the big cities, resulting in fewer jobs in the local area. For this reason, he continued his education, which included studying in Bonn and a lot of reading in general. Next, he decided to relocate and start a family with Mum. Neither of them wanted to hide themselves away in their new community but instead contribute to it actively. No matter the subject, they got involved: for them, team sport was a quick way to integrate.

My brothers and I were enthusiastic eaters; our favourite meal was tomato soup with pasta followed by apple cake. What’s more, we were growing extremely fast. There was a lot to do for Mum, who had to top up supplies constantly: every other day, she would come home with a full shopping trolley. If you were late, though… well, tough luck: the others would have already scoffed the lot. During the holidays, my brothers and I were often garrisoned at my dad’s parents’ in Wildemann. Their house was at the foot of a mountain, where snow fell heavily in the winter. We would spend hours at a time playing five-a-side on a small pitch with a big group of friends and cousins. Today, locals will tell my father, ‘Of course Per got to where he is now, with all the time he used to spend playing football down here!’

In the summer, we would participate in the village sports day and go into the forest to build a wooden hut, assisted by Grandad Michael, a qualified engineer. He had come back from the war with countless scars on his face and upper body, inflicted by pieces of shrapnel. As a little boy, I had always been fascinated and intrigued by this, but he would never talk about it. At Easter, we would collect twigs, run a tree trunk into the ground, and surround it with fir for the bonfire. It was a spectacle: every year, four bonfires were set up. Building and experiencing things together enriched our childhood; it was a ritual that shaped us — my friends, my brothers, and me. It was a tranquil time. Camaraderie was paramount, as well as the idea of occupying yourself with simple things — a completely different kind of life to today’s generation. Everyone is staring at their phones, submerged in a social media world that is not really social at all but extremely isolated. Often, digital networks are pseudo networks: technology tends to separate people from each other rather than unite them. Grandad Michael, originally from the Rhineland, was Catholic. Around the River Rhine, Mertesacker is quite a common name; it is derived from Saint Martin of Tours: ‘Mertesacker’ essentially means Martins Acker — Martin’s field.

After the war, Grandad Michael and Granny Irmgard lived a modest life. My father still remembers how he used to bring his father food in a milk churn; on Saturdays, Mett – pork mincemeat eaten raw – served on a bun was a highlight. There was no television or telephone in the house: children played in the woods or in the street, as there were no recreational facilities back then either. Grandad had a Rhineland sense of humour that followed him to the Harz. He laughed a lot and took a relaxed view of most things. To him, the glass was always half full, never half empty. He was a loyal member of the choir and enjoyed celebrations, something that was passed on to my dad and me. ‘Always be positive. Let things slide once in a while, have fun with others — you’ll see the world in a different light. It’ll take you much further than moping about and pondering all the things that could be better.’ That was his attitude. He always cheered us on in everything we did but especially when it came to sport.

Grandad loved watching the Tour de France on TV. He was involved passionately with the local sports club, TSG Wildemann, helping to build the clubhouse and refereeing their games. When my father was a little boy, the two of them used to listen to the football on the radio, and Dad had to put all results into a notebook. Today, he believes that his knack for numbers originated there. Dad loves statistics: who played where, who played when, who scored the goals. World Cups, European Championships, the Olympics — he has it all on standby, saved on the hard drive between his ears. He really is a walking book: he doesn’t need a mobile, because he knows every phone number by heart.

Dad and Grandad would drive to matches Grandad was officiating, and sometimes, they would go to Braunschweig to watch a game together, including the play-offs that still existed back then before the creation of the Bundesliga in 1963. At this time there were five regional top flights, with Braunschweig playing in the Oberliga Nord. Each year the winner and runner-up of the league would compete with the best teams from the other four regional leagues for the German Championship at the end of the season. After finishing runners-up in the 1957/58 campaign, Braunschweig got their opportunity and faced Karlsruher SC, Schalke 04 and Tennis Borussia Berlin, though they did not make it through to the final. Later they attended Eintracht Braunschweig’s first-ever Bundesliga match, a 1-0 win over Preußen Münster in the summer of 1963. It roused my father’s ambition and his love for football. As a cross-country skier, he started in several championships and spent the summer months playing football at non-league level for TuSpo Petershütte and Sportfreunde Ricklingen. He says he could run a lot and could cover every blade of grass, but just not quickly enough. After moving to Hannover, he studied for his coaching badges. Shortly before I went professional at Hannover 96, Grandad Michael passed away. I believe and hope that somehow he was able to see everything, but it would of course have been nicer had he experienced it. In my youth, he had followed my athletic career very closely, collecting all the newspaper clippings that mentioned me or my teams. Granny Irmgard continued this tradition and even witnessed my jump into Hannover’s first team. When I was very little and no one could have known that I would one day go professional, she had been the one to set me straight: ‘Bayern are a no-go. Don’t you dare become a Bayern fan. I won’t have that strip in my home.’

I had a special relationship with both of them, but Granny Erika, my mother’s mother, was very loving towards us, too. After all, if someone gives birth to that many children, their heart must be in the right place. Her husband had died young — jaundice — but she still laughed a lot and was unfailingly optimistic. Even in old age, when she lost a leg due to arterial disease, she didn’t lose any of her strength nor the courage to continue living contently; her willpower was amazing. On Erika’s birthday, 23 December, the entire family always congregated in the Harz. To this day, the annual walk between Christmas and New Year still happens: a hike is followed by a gathering in a pub, where someone will accompany the singing on an accordion. I was lucky enough to grow up with this tradition because the generation before mine had started it, but who keeps up something similar nowadays? Chatting to people about the custom, especially in football, I’m often met with blank stares. ‘Come again? What do you mean, you go hiking and singing with your whole family?’

I was cut off from this world for a few years following my transfer to Arsenal in the summer of 2011, because we would keep playing throughout Christmas and I would only get a few days off in January, if at all. As a result, the significance of our family get-together only became clear to me when I could no longer take part. It was a shock the first time around: to me, it felt like I’d let down my family, and with it, everything we’d built up together over the years. Before I knew it, I spent three days in bed, ill and unsettled. Now I’m retired, I look forward to reviving the tradition. In the meantime, my parents and brothers have been worthy substitutes. Right now, with fewer people living in and around the Harz and the local population beginning to age, it’s important to keep up our connection to our home: once a year, the family spends a weekend in a hostel in Sankt Andreasberg. Not everyone can make it every year — some aren’t as keen, others are otherwise engaged — but it’s still nice seeing your relatives, telling each other about your lives, and developing an interest in people within the family. Every year, this ritual needs active planning and organising, or it would end up being cancelled and, presumably, we would eventually lose touch altogether. I think we should be quite proud of ourselves for managing to keep the extended family together, which, especially since the grandparents have passed, is no easy feat.

To this day, my big brother still visits the Harz for Easter to light the bonfire, and we all tend to our grandparents’ graves in Wildemann. My parents see to it that Grandma and Grandad’s house remains in good condition. We’ve filled it with furniture from my old Bremen flat to keep it homely and, to keep it from standing empty, we have family members and guests stay there as often as possible over Christmas. To me, the bond to your family’s home isn’t just an idea or a feeling; it’s something you need in order to live. When my wife and I leave London with the kids, exchanging the grey for the beauty of the Harz with its mountains and valleys, it warms our heart. Sometimes, we’ll spend holidays there with friends and their families, who join us on tours across gorgeous hiking trails and running tracks, breathing a completely different kind of air. Celebrating life events in places we grew up, places close to our hearts, also renews that feeling of togetherness: Ulrike and I got married at Marienburg Castle near Pattensen, while Oscar, our second son, was baptised in Wildemann.

Like family relations, friendships need maintaining too — especially long-distance ones — but I’m lucky to be very close to many of my old mates. In professional football, you can count your real friends on the fingers of one hand. You could sit next to someone in the dressing room for years without really knowing them. Everyone tends to do their own thing outside of matches and training now; that’s just the way the industry has gone. As much as I’ve seen of the world during my career, I’m very glad to have had family and friends who always knew exactly who I was underneath the shirt and who kept me grounded throughout; rather than tell us not to forget our roots, our parents implicitly taught us not to.

Football properly started late in the summer of 1989, just before my fifth birthday, when I played my first league game with Denis. There were a dozen of us, boys and girls, in mismatched kits. Other teams in our age bracket were already familiar with the code and, as a result, were better organised. We, on the other hand, lost a lot of games but didn’t let that spoil the fun. From day one, I played at the back, just in front of the goalkeeper. Most kids tend to run after the ball, trying to score, but that — for reasons I can’t quite explain myself — never appealed to me. ‘Go on, son,’ my dad used to say, ‘get involved a bit, jeez!’ But no, I wasn’t interested; I didn’t want to be a hero. I wanted to protect the defence, to cover my teammates’ backs. Let the others shine, let them celebrate their goals. I was happy at the back, watching out for danger. That has never changed.

Dad was very emotional when it came to football: he’d shout at the referee and raise his voice in the dressing rooms. I, however, took after my mother: I was placid, quiet, reserved on the pitch. Emotional outbursts weren’t my thing — according to Dad, you could hardly ever tell the match result just from looking at my face. I only had one position, so I could hardly be described as versatile, but on the other hand, I was two-footed, quite good at reading the game, and my positional play was decent. After all, when you’ve had a million shots coming at you, you eventually familiarise yourself with every flight path and so know exactly where to stand. I was good in the air, too, thanks to Dad and my brothers. At the public pool and during every holiday, the four of us would get in the water with a beach ball, trying to outdo each other with headers: fifty, sixty, seventy; over time, it made a difference. While my first year with TSG didn’t go all that well, the second saw us assemble a passable squad, completed with a few players from town. Our team grew in strength thanks to Dad, who invested a lot of his time and coached us with diligence: elsewhere, kids were still dribbling past cones, but Dad was teaching us proper forms of play. Often, my friends and I would go to the local lido, where there was a small pitch. Anyone who could kick a ball was instantly taken in by the older kids: ‘Go on, then, where do you play?’ Telling them I played for Pattensen’s Under-11s gave me a feeling of immense pride. I was playing tennis and table tennis on the side, but it was football that I enjoyed most and which had the greatest effect on my self-worth. Dad did a lot to further my development: for hours, he’d have me do keepy-uppies with my weaker left foot. Due to my considerable height, I was a step ahead of kids my own age and able to skip several years. From Under-9s to Under-13s, we were constantly in the league’s top positions, becoming regional champions, and even winning matches against Hannover 96’s youth teams. These days, many of my former teammates are part of Pattensen’s veteran squad, and they’re badgering me to join them. They might have to wait a few years.

Our results meant Hannover soon started paying attention to us: ‘Why are they so strong? Who’s managing them?’ The story of the surprisingly successful small-town club got around quickly, which resulted in Dad, together with an assistant coach, taking over the second team of Hannover’s Under-13s in 1995, filling two jobs. In addition, there was a personal connection: my teammate Florian Gramann’s father was treasurer at Hannover, so Florian, Markus Weck and I transferred to the team my dad was now managing. At the time, the other two were ahead of me in their development and were believed to be the greater talents. Really, I basically just slipped in alongside them. Leaving Pattensen for Hannover was considered a minor sensation in the area: everyone in the town had their own – unfiltered – opinion and was sure to make it known to everyone else. In 2015, a local journalist approached me with an apology for writing me off at the time. He’s on staff for the Leine Nachrichten, the regional section of the Hannoversche Allgemeine, covering Pattensen, Hemmingen, and Saarstedt. ‘Wants to play football, does he?’ the piece had said, ‘He should stick to swimming.’ An error of judgement, apparently.

At twelve years old, I probably wouldn’t have gone to Hannover on my own, so being part of a trio made the decision easier. Soon, it transpired that the other two definitely had what it took; Markus in particular was very, very good. He was immediately bumped up to the Under-15s, was always a year above me and was always better, continually overshadowing me. They thought he was more likely to make it. In time, though, his body gave up on him, and he developed severe back pain. Luckily, Markus was always very good in school and had sensible parents, so he was well equipped for a life away from professional football. Eventually, he became an apprentice in banking. His story showed me, for the first time ever, the volatile nature of this sport: the greatest talent I knew had suddenly fallen off the map.

While I was an avid collector of Panini stickers, I didn’t really have a role model. I liked Ingo Anderbrügge, an attacking midfielder with Dortmund and Schalke through the late 1980s and 1990s, for his powerful left foot and also for the way I saw him behave at the end of a Schalke friendly in the Hannover borough of Ricklingen. After the final whistle, Anderbrügge and his teammates were signing autographs for the fans. I managed to get one too, and that left a lasting impression on me. From that day, I had a soft spot for Schalke, but Hannover remained, of course, my number one. Equipped with a club ID, youth players were allowed to sit on a wooden bench underneath the stands in the — back then — venerable and quite spacious Niedersachsenstadion. What a highlight that was.

At times, I’d be standing in block H31 with my Pattensen friends; at others, I was a ballboy high-fiving players in the tunnel. Standing on the touchline was something very special; it made me feel like I really belonged, like I was part of the club. Back then, Hannover played in the second division before being relegated to the third in 1996, just when they were celebrating their one-hundredth anniversary. When they hosted Energie Cottbus under floodlights in the play-offs for promotion back to the second division a year later, I watched them from the stands: the first leg was a goalless draw, the second a 1-3 defeat in Cottbus. As a result of this setback, Hannover were plunged into deep financial trouble. The club’s very existence was at stake. Still, that lack of money indirectly gave a chance to a new generation of players. Fabian Ernst, Gerald Asamoah, and Sebastian Kehl all moved up the from the Under-19s and ultimately helped the club return to the second division.

Of course, 1996 was also England’s turn to host the Euros. It was the first tournament I was fully aware of. I vividly remember the penalty shootout in the semi-final: Gareth Southgate, the current England manager, stepped up for the deciding effort but had his shot saved by Andy Köpke. I still remember the final against the Czech Republic, too: it was Oliver Bierhoff’s Golden Goal that famously brought the trophy home to Germany. My most poignant memory of football on TV, however, was Schalke’s UEFA Cup final against Inter a year later: I was allowed to stay up late and, after Schalke’s win, flung myself into my father’s arms.

Some years later, my family and I drove to England by car to visit my aunt Ute in Plymouth. Our summer holiday that year was spent in London, where my father ordered each member of the family to take home a football strip (apart from Mum, who was excused). Timo, my little brother, decided on Manchester United, Denis went for Aston Villa, and my father for Ipswich Town. My choice was a red top with white sleeves and the letters JVC on the front: Arsenal. That day, the Gunners became my English club. Every year for our birthdays, we were allowed to wish for a new strip. Timo and I stuck with Manchester and Arsenal; we both loved football and were now adding ‘our’ Premier League sides to the sibling rivalry. In the late 90s and early 2000s, the two clubs usually competed for the league title between themselves. Once a week, German TV channel DSF would broadcast a show called ‘La Ola’, giving us continued access to Premier League highlights and keeping us in the loop. Outside of school and sport, we spent our time on the PC: NHL 98, NBA Live, and so on. My older brother was also very much into fantasy: he owned a board game called ‘Das Schwarze Auge’ and a computer game called ‘Might and Magic’. The latter involved four characters on a journey across the landscape: a druid, a cleric, a knight, and an archer in search of caves filled with various kinds of monsters.

Meanwhile, the time had come for me to progress to sixth-form level. My school was a comprehensive with only a small A-level class — only fifteen to twenty students — but my parents didn’t want me to leave my surroundings, so I stayed put. A-level students at my school were considered swots and accused of thinking they were better than everyone else. The others would very much make you feel like an outsider, especially during class. They would stand around in their own little smokers’ groups, which you generally passed without saying a word. On principle, you didn’t get invited to any of the parties. Similarly, the Old Town festival and marksmen’s festival never gave you the feeling of real belonging. If, at that age, you’re not involved with everyone and everything, you tend to be left out automatically anyway. In addition, there was the sporting rivalry, organised in the form of tournaments spanning several schools: our squad was excellent at everything from basketball and handball to football and beach volleyball. My feeling for the ball, whatever its shape and size, naturally meant I was at the helm. For years, we dominated and were practically unbeatable, which meant people hated us: you couldn’t cross the yard without being heckled. Where some managed to gain acceptance with the popular crowd by smoking cigarettes or marijuana, this wasn’t an option for me, so I was forced to stick with my kind. I had two really close friends at school.

We could never be bothered to spend our breaks in the yard; instead, we’d play cards and eat our packed lunches while listening to Walkmans. My first CD was a Die Prinzen album, but that was quickly replaced by Bob Marley, and Bob Marley only. Back then, his music was the soundtrack to our lives. I only found out later that Marley was a big football fan. The first thing people tend to associate with him, of course, is weed (‘Stoner music, that’s what it is!’), but we were never tempted. Instead, we wanted to understand his lyrics and the stories behind them: who were those songs aimed at? What was their context? My mates and I engaged extensively with the lyrics and soon realised that, contrary to popular belief, they were actually about something completely different. Take ‘No Woman, No Cry’, for example — a swansong for love, right? Wrong. The song deals with political tensions in Marley’s hometown, his promise to return to his wife, and the hope that everything would be fine before long. Hip-Hop was big with us, too: on a foreign exchange, we went to Hastings and London, where I bought a Wu-Tang Clan CD. Our teacher told us to take a tour of the capital, but as boys of fifteen and sixteen, we didn’t give museums and Big Ben a second’s thought. Instead, we went to the arcades at Piccadilly Circus and played pinball and laser tag for five straight hours. Not until two decades later did I finally catch up with the sightseeing. Bob Marley also featured prominently in my childhood bedroom: the walls were decorated with a giant Jamaica flag and a picture of his face, next to a poster of Anna Kournikova and Hannover’s cup-winning side of 1992. I wasn’t the tidiest boy, which meant that my father swore repeatedly whenever he came into my room and saw the mess on the floor. ‘Meine Fresse! Every time I come in here, I’m only one step away from a torn ligament!’ According to him, my way of cleaning amounted to little more than piling things on top of each other in the middle of the room.

Remarkably, once I progressed at Hannover, some of the people who wouldn’t give me the time of day at school promptly changed their minds. Suddenly I was everyone’s best mate: ‘You haven’t got a spare ticket, have you?’ For me, realising that who you were could so quickly be eclipsed by what you were was a strange experience. Suddenly, my status had changed, as had people’s perception of me. But I knew exactly where my roots lay, who my friends were, and who I was — and wasn’t — concerned with: where had they been before? Before my progress, they didn’t have a word to say to me. In the beginning, I was pleased that my father was managing a Hannover youth side: it made the transition to ‘proper’ football a lot easier. He did definitely push me but it never felt like it; first and foremost, I was happy to be taking part and being able to keep up. Eventually, though, rebellion took over: I didn’t want Dad to train me anymore, didn’t want to be in the starting XI just because the coach shared my last name. In addition, I preferred keeping football and family life strictly separate. I wanted to free myself to an extent from Dad’s constant scrutiny and week-long criticism. The time had come to allow different influences onto the pitch; it was crucial to take this step towards footballing independence.

Under a new coach, I progressed to the Under-14s, and I soon found out that I had to adjust my game accordingly or risk jeopardising the team’s defence, or worse, my own health. I wasn’t the fastest runner, and by then I was already relatively tall, so by the time impulses had been transmitted from my brain to my feet, the ball and the opponent had long gone. One day, Under-19s coach Mirko Slomka invited some of the Under-14s for joint training, a kind of internal scouting session, if you will. After one of the older players had lifted me off my feet with a sliding tackle, I was expecting to hear the whistle, but Slomka, refusing to acknowledge the foul, allowed play to continue. I was close to tears: being booted up in the air by someone four years older, only for the manager to turn a blind eye, was beyond belief for a boy of thirteen or fourteen. The injustice of it hurt more than the kick. Not until a few years later did I understand Slomka’s thought process: he had wanted to challenge the younger players, to see how they might react.

Mind you, this was the only time I was to find myself in such a situation during my youth. Early on, I developed the ability to judge and time tackles correctly: was there a chance of winning the ball properly or was I likely to commit a foul? I always tried to pass the ball before an opponent got too close, and with clarity and precision; that’s a centre-half’s job. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t the dribbling type. A few of the other young players tried desperately to get their coach’s attention by provoking older boys and nutmegging them. It’s a risky little game: some of them took a few bruises in return.

The biggest talents had already been moved up to the Under-15s. That age saw me be part of county football for the first time. In Germany, the best players from the Länder (the federal states across the country) get selected by their respective associations to play against each other, a kind of precursor to getting called up to the national youth team. In short, it’s a big deal. I spent three days at a training camp in Barsinghausen, where the wheat was ruthlessly separated from the chaff. Markus, the boy who had left Pattensen for Hannover with me a few years before, was a permanent member of the county team. The hype started early; his parents and even grandparents attended his matches. I, on the other hand, never made it; after two camps they stopped considering me. There was no announcement; no one who took me aside to explain the situation to me gently, the invitations just stopped coming. According to my father, I wept when I realised, which usually never happened. I generally never showed any emotions after losing a match, but this hit me hard — partly because Markus had managed to cement his place in both the county team and Hannover’s Under-15s. Granted, I had never been regarded as a special talent, but now, I was just a second-rate youth player. I was inferior, that’s how I felt. For the first time, it occurred to me: this was it. I was done.